She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize