Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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