Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
