No subtext here. People are naked.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
