did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
