Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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