I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im six kinds of drunk right now
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
