i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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