I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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