I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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