Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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