She announced her abortion via fbk
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
