i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
