Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
