so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
