it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
