theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
