you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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