My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
