You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
