Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
