My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just high enough for therapy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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