I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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