If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
