Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
