how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
