Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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