Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize