I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
