They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
