I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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