Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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