Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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