Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
