im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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