At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
