can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
false alarm, still single
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
