If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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