well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
