genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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