New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
