WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
