maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
