I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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