yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
