can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Boobs speak an international language.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
