There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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