I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
