she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
