i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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