i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she woke up with a sticky ear
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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