so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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