end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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