im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
babies were throwing up all over the place
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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