I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
