she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
