Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
