I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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