Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize