Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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