I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
