my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
