apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
