Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
