omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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