At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
why do cheetos always look like penises
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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