You're so nebulous sometimes
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
