last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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