Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
