cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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