is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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