Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
