At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
