then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
