Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
