We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
