I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
