Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
