Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
