Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
