we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
